I was blessed to go to one of the top schools in my city, where most parents only dream to send their child. While I’m grateful to my mom for making the effort to send me to such an elite school, I’d say it has taken more from me than it has given.
Growing up, I was made to believe that I wasn’t a good looking child. People made me count my flaws at such a young age, when I had no clue how the world even worked.
At an age where most kids’ biggest concern was which cartoon to watch or when to go outside and play, my concern was what to apply on my face to fix my flaws and somehow fit with the crowd of good looking kids at my school.
When I was in first grade, people used to look at me with disgust. I had no clue why.
Everyone gravitated toward the good looking kids, and some even compared me to them. I’m not blaming them because they had no idea what they were doing, we were all just kids. But that young karan tried everything he could to be like those elite kids.
He had no clue it was all about looks. He just believed they were simply better at everything in general. So that young karan worked his ass off to become better, hoping that if he improved enough, things would change.
They didn’t.
And he was left completely clueless.
While I had no idea what was happening, my brain slowly became conditioned to notice every negative pattern in the world that attacked my appearance, directly or indirectly. Over time, I became hyper aware of how I looked.
It eventually costed me the self confidence and charm I naturally had back when I was too young to understand any of it.
Over the years, I came to realize that I had become a prisoner of my own mind and that the flaws I notice and criticize were never actually visible to anyone else. I scrutinize myself at a level that most people simply don’t, even if they do, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m already doing whatever I can to feel proud about myself.
My intention with this writing isn’t to gain sympathy or seek attention. It’s to remind you that you’re often your own worst critic. Most of the battles we fight exist only inside our heads, amplified by endless overanalysis.
Keep making progress in life, and stop assigning so much weight to how other people perceive you. Most of them aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.